A blog by Amanda Poppei, Senior Leader.

A bientot. Hasta luego. TTFN (ta ta for now). 

So many goodbye phrases include in them the expectation of the next time we meet. And why wouldn’t they? We humans don’t like to say goodbye forever–we are built for relationship and connection, and when we part we are often already planning for our reunion. 

What do we do, then, when we will not meet again? Or at least, when we will not meet again as we are now? 

In just about two weeks, I will close my time serving as the Senior Leader at the Washington Ethical Society. On that day, I will no longer be your clergy person. That part of our relationship, of who we have been to each other, individually and also institutionally, will end. 

Of course, we as people won’t end that day. Our history together and what we have accomplished together won’t end. And we will continue to relate to each other, if we see each other out in the world, because we have had that history and because we are, after all, still people together. 

What might that look like? 

If I run into you at the grocery store or at a local social justice event, I’ll be glad to see you. You might ask how my kids are liking school this year, and I might comment that your haircut looks great (hey, dream big about moving past pandemic hair!). I won’t engage in any conversation about how WES is doing, other  than wishing everyone well. And I won’t “act like your minister,” because I won’t be that, anymore. We’ll be two people who have had a history together and who remember that with fondness, and are glad to catch up a bit and know that we are faring well in our new present. 

What won’t it look like? 

I won’t be writing to WES folks, or seeking out chance encounters, or coming to WES events. I won’t be commenting on how things are at WES–though I feel so confident that you will be doing good and important work with Interim Leader Lyn Cox and the staff and Board. I will unfollow you on Facebook, and I may decide to unfriend WES members entirely for a period of time (I’m still feeling my way through what I’ll need to do on social media for my own emotional space, and the guidelines for departing clergy haven’t yet caught up to our online times. So I’m not quite sure yet what that will look like). If you reach out to me, I’m likely to just remind you that we all need time to navigate who we are now and to let go of who we have been to each other. 

Why does it have to be this way? 

After all, I just said that relationships and connection are central to what it means to be human! And that is both why the change in how we communicate will feel hard…and also why it is vital. At its heart, this “time apart” allows both of us to settle into our new realities, and to create relationships with new people. You will be learning who WES is without me as Senior Leader, and you will be forming a relationship with Lyn and ultimately with a new Leader. The relationship between congregant and clergy person is a vital and precious one–I feel that so deeply right now, as I am saying goodbye to you–and the most important thing I can do for WES right now is to nurture the new version of that relationship that you will be creating. Part of that new relationship coming into being means letting go of the old one, and my presence would hinder that letting go. For both of us! 

When does all this start? 

My final Sunday at WES is June 28–I am so looking forward to being with you during platform that morning, and perhaps at the walk-by parade that afternoon! Although I will still be packing up my office for two more days, I will close my WES email on the 28th and begin this period of distance. I really hope that we have a chance to say goodbye before then. I have three open houses scheduled; all the zoom links are available on the WES calendar at ethicalsociety.org: 

• Tuesday, June 16, 4-5:30pm

• Wednesday, June 24, 4-5:30pm

• Thursday, June 25, 7-8:30pm

Will it be forever? 

I will never again serve as your clergy person, as WES’ clergy person. That part of our relationship is ending. And, it may be that one day we will both feel that we have moved on from that relationship and are ready to begin a new relationship. You might re-friend me on Facebook. Maybe someday I’ll come back to WES for an anniversary celebration, with other former Leaders. Perhaps we’ll see each other across the National Mall as we celebrate our first woman President and we’ll wave, or share a hug, and be so glad that we can remember our history together…and so glad that we have moved into separate, wonderful futures. 

My departure and this change in our relationship will never mean that I don’t care for you and deeply value our time together. That cannot be erased or changed. I’m so proud and honored that I spent the time I did as your clergy, and you will always be so important to me. 

Warmly,

Amanda